


Poker Face, Jokers Wild

by Tyloric



Series: Unlimited Data Plan [2]
Category: Skyfall (2012) - Fandom, The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Crossover, Alternate Universe - Twins, Avengers Family, Bonding, Brothers, Clint finally gets a hug, Domestic, Domestic Avengers, Family, Family being awesome, Friendship, Homecoming, Humor, M/M, Phil is still pretty sneaky, Post Avengers (Movie), Tags are a great way to express opinions, guaranteed to make you feel all warm and fuzzy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-02
Updated: 2012-12-02
Packaged: 2017-11-20 02:03:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,266
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/580075
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tyloric/pseuds/Tyloric
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clint has always been fiercely loyal and protective of the people he cares about. </p><p>What he doesn't realize, however, is that he's surrounded by people that feel the exact same way about him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Poker Face, Jokers Wild

**Author's Note:**

> This story is operating under the impression that Bruce went back into hiding after the end of the movie and that Thor has yet to return from Asgard (though neither of these points are expressly stated). For those who are wondering why they're absent.

**[Text Transcript]**  
[James, Natasha]  
Natasha: How’s everything on your end?  
James: Just got confirmation from M.  
Natasha: Excellent. I’ll get Stark to call you later.  
  
 **[Text Transcript]**  
[Natasha, Phil]  
Natasha: Everything looks good so far.  
Phil: Good. Keep me informed.  
Natasha: Of course.  
  
____________________________  
  
 **[Call Transcript]**  
[Clint - > James]  
…  
James: So how are you holding up?  
Clint: [sighs] Everything has been such a hassle. A lot of the city is still closed off; tons of the buildings have been declared structurally unsound. And we’re still the focus of all political fallout. Everyone wants to blame the damage on SHIELD and the Avengers Initiative, as if we were the ones who opened the damn portal to the other side of the freaking universe. I mean, it’s been more than a month. [huffs] Leeches.  
James: Well, it does sound like something out of a movie. Aliens invasion, a team of superheroes save the day.  
Clint: That still doesn’t it make it our fault! [hesitates] Well... not _their_ fault.  
James: For the love of-- Don’t do that to yourself. None of them blame you.  
Clint: [mumbling] I blame me.  
James: Oh, grow up. Natasha tells me there’s nothing you could have done. A bloody _god_ cast a spell on you. How can anyone prepare for something like that?  
Clint: [long pause] Well you don’t have to be a dick about it.  
James: Maybe if you weren’t such a brat I wouldn’t need to be.  
Clint: Ass.  
James: Tosser.  
Clint: Jerkwad.  
James: Dandiprat.  
Clint: [bark of laughter] What does the even mean?  
James: It means that you need to buck up and move on. [pause] How is your mate doing?  
Clint: [snorts] My ‘mate’? Don’t be shy, James. Tell it how it is: my boyfriend, partner, play-thing, sugar daddy, oh oh oh, my _boytoy_.  
Phil: [distantly, in the background] You’re welcome to _try_ and call me that.  
Clint: You know you love it.  
James: Still in the hospital, then?  
Clint: Yeah, but he gets discharged tomorrow afternoon. Son of a bitch absolutely refuses to die. Not for lack of trying, of course.  
James: Of course.  
Clint: Yeah, he- Oh. Oh, hey! Steve! Hey, Cap, hey- Dammit. I gotta run, James.  
James: Alri-  
[Call disconnects]  
  
 _(James stares at his phone as if it has deeply disappointed him. “Idiot,” he says eventually._  
  
 _“Who is?” Eve asks._  
  
 _“It’s just so hard to find a good lady of the night these days, Miss Moneypenny. I don’t suppose you...?”_  
  
 _She rolls her eyes. “You couldn’t afford me,” she says and James grins devilishly.)_  
  
____________________________  
  
“Steve!” Clint calls.  
  
Steve does a quick about face when he hears his name. He sees Clint running down the hall towards him, waving his arms melodramatically.  
  
“What’s the matter, Clint?” Steve asks when the other man reaches him.  
  
Clint eyes are intense and focused. “Hey, did you- wait, why are you down in medical?” He stops, his face going blank. Steve is wearing a thin t-shirt and work out shorts and pressing a white blood stained towel against his left bicep. He’s holding his arm as if it pains him. “What the hell happened to you?”  
  
Steve shrinks a little and laughs nervously. “Just a little accident in the gym. I asked Natasha to spar with me.” His eyebrows scrunch together a bit as he remembers. “She’s, uh... pretty vicious.”  
  
Clint looks at him like he’s an idiot. “You should know better, Cap.”  
  
“Well, yeah, now I do.”  
  
Clint shake his head and waves his hand dismissively. “Whatever, it doesn’t matter.”  
  
Steve raises and eyebrow but says nothing.  
  
“Did you get them?” Clint asks conspiratorially.  
  
Steve tilts his head slightly. “Get...’them’?”  
  
“You know... _them_.” Clint is spinning his hand as if he expects Steve to know what he’s talking about. He leans forward, grinning, but Steve just continues to look completely lost. Not getting the reaction he was hoping for, Clint sighs exasperatedly. “The cards, Sparklepants.”  
  
Steve looks as if he’s been slapped. “They don’t sparkle.”  
  
“Steve, _focus_. The cards; you manage to get them or not?”  
  
Rolling his eyes, Steve nods. “Yes. Turns out when Captain America gives word that he’s looking for trading cards with his face on them a lot of people jump at the chance. I got a complete set. I’ve already signed them.”  
  
“Awesome.” Clint’s eye flick over to the bloody towel. “They don’t have blood on them do they?”  
  
Steve just stares at him indifferently.  
  
“Right. Stupid question.”  
  
The man hums in confirmation. “They’re in my locker. They’ve got protective sleeves and everything. I’ll give them to you later. Now, can I go get my arm stitched up, or...?”  
  
“Yeah? Why aren’t you doing that? Are you a masochist or something? Jeez, Cap, you need to take better care of yourself.” He turns and walks- _power_ walks- away before Steve can get another word in.  
  
____________________________  
  
 **[Text Transcript]**  
[Clint, Natasha]  
Clint: Agent Sparklepants has obtained the package. Moving for extraction. ETA: One hour.  
Natasha: You need a hobby.  
Clint: Roger that.  
Natasha: You sure throwing Coulson a ‘welcome home’ party is a good idea?  
Clint: It’s not a party, it’s dinner. There won’t even be many people there. Just us three, Tony, and Steve. Pepper got called to Washington or something. She’s still dealing with the fallout.  
Natasha: What is for dinner, anyway?  
Clint: Phil’s favorite, of course: chili cheese dogs.  
  
 **[Text Transcript]**  
[Natasha, Phil]  
Phil: Does he suspect anything?  
Natasha: He’s in his own little world.  
Phil: Let’s try and keep it that way. It will be more fun in the endgame.  
Natasha: Is your favorite food really chili cheese dogs?  
Phil: That information is above your clearance level.  
  
 **[Call Transcript]**  
[Tony - > James]  
James: Hello?  
Tony: Hello, hello. This is the other Barton, yeah?  
James: The other Bond, actually. Clint changed his name.  
Tony: Wait, really? Why?  
James: To piss me off, I would imagine.  
Tony: Ha.  
James: Mr. Stark, I presume?  
Tony: You presume correctly, double-ohhhh-seven. Pleasure to make your acquaintance.  
James: Would asking how you know my designation be any help to me?  
Tony: None whatsoever. Anyway, just calling to tell you I’ve got everything set up. You get my private jet and everything. [pause] Well, one of them. Anyway, it’s ready whenever you are.  
James: I’m on my way over to the airport now. I appreciate the help with this, Mr. Stark.  
Tony: Call me Tony, please. It’s no trouble. Also, can I just say one thing?  
James: Of course.  
Tony: I’m loving the accent. It’s like listening to angels sing. Very posh.  
[Call disconnects]  
  
 _(Tony huffs. “That was comedy gold.”_  
  
 _“Some people just don’t appreciate your wit, sir.” JARVIS says with a hint of sarcasm._  
  
 _“Don’t sass me. Get Romanov on the phone.”)_  
  
 **[Call Transcript]**  
[Tony - > Natasha]  
Tony: Mr. Thinks-he’s-better-than-me-just-because-he’s-British is on his way to the airport now.  
Natasha: Oh, yes. I’m sure that’s his reason.  
Tony: You people have no class.  
[Call disconnects]  
  
 **[Text Transcript]**  
[James, Natasha]  
Natasha: See you soon.  
James: Looking forward to it.  
Natasha: How long has it been since you’ve seen each other?  
James: Too long.  
  
____________________________  
  
Phil was discharged on schedule the next day.  
  
“Are you my ride, Agent Romanov?” Phil asked as he carefully put his coat on.  
  
“Yes, sir. Barton told me to tell you he wanted everything to be perfect for your home coming. He’s at the tower now.”  
  
Phil rolls his eyes, but is smiling. “‘Homecoming’ implies that I’ve lived there previously.”  
  
Natasha grins. “A new homecoming, then.”  
  
“And everything else is ready?”  
  
She nods. “James will meet us in the lobby and take the next elevator up after us.”  
  
“Awesome.”  
  
Natasha raises her eyebrows, surprised.  
  
Phil just shrugs. “Clint must be rubbing off on me.”  
  
“Now there’s an image,” Natasha laughs.  
  
____________________________  
  
Phil and Natasha step out of the elevator onto the floor that Tony has dubbed the ‘Family Room’. There is a massive TV taking up one wall with a large couch that looks like it could eat Phil alive (and he might let it). There is a kitchen area on the other side of the room, with a dining table that easily seat a couple dozen people acting as a divider between the two areas, and that was just this room. Phil wondered what lies beyond the two branching hallways off to both sides of the elevators.  
  
“Phil!” Clint calls happily from the table where he is laying out a giant bowl of chili and a large plate of hot dogs. Next to the bowl there is another plate with holding blocks of several different kinds of cheese sitting next to a cheese grater. Phil’s stomach growls in anticipation.  
  
Tony appears out of one of the hallways. “Welcome, welcome, to my humble abode,” He says with his arms stretched out. “Well, ours now, I guess. Whatever. Semantics.”  
  
“Classy,” Natasha says.  
  
“Thank you, Mr. Stark,” Phil says. His face is passive, but his eyes twinkle with amusement.  
  
Clint walks over, a big grin on his face. He stops just in front of Phil and leans in for a brief but passionate kiss. Phil almost doesn’t catch the moan that tries to escape from his throat and he can’t help but chase after Clint as he pulls away. They meet each others eyes and Clint rests his hands on both of Phil’s shoulders. “Welcome home,” he says seriously.  
  
And this time Phil really can’t help but give him a full on smile. “Good to be here.”  
  
“Gross,” Tony says and Natasha slaps him across the back of his head.  
  
“Be nice, Tony,” Steve says from the kitchen, holding a pile of plates that he brings over to the table.  
  
He’s rubbing the back of his head. “I’m always nice,” Tony grumbles and sticks his tongue out at Natasha. She raises her hand threateningly and he flinches away.  
  
“Hungry?” Clint asks Phil, ignoring the others.  
  
“God, yes. SHIELD medical has terrible taste.”  
  
Clint laughs. “No joke.” He takes Phil’s arm to help support his weight, of which Phil is silently grateful. He’s been given the all clear, but he’s still healing and he hasn’t had much physical activity since he woke up in medical, so he tires easily.  
  
Clint sits Phil down gently in one of the dining table chairs. “Okay, I’ll be right back. I have a surprise for you.”  
  
Phil raises an eyebrow. “Do you now?”  
  
“You’re gonna love it,” and he takes off down one of the hallways.  
  
When he’s gone, Phil turns to Natasha. “A surprise?”  
  
Natasha’s face betrays nothing. “I know nothing about anything.” Tony snorts.  
  
The elevator dings and James steps out. He’s wearing a casual white button down shirt and khaki pants. His eyes scan the room, automatically cataloging all the possible entries and ambush points (it’s habit).  
  
“Hello,” he says pleasantly. When he doesn’t spot Clint he raises an eyebrow at Natasha. “Am I late?”  
  
She’s opening her mouth to reply when there is a distinct thud of something hitting the ground. All eyes move to the source, which in this instance is a small plastic case. Standing next to it is Clint, who is frozen in place. Clint’s eyes are wide and disbelieving, his mouth is hanging open slightly. His brain has crashed and is attempting to reboot, so he just stares at James.  
  
When it becomes clear that Clint isn’t going to move, James gives him an amused smile and says, “What? Not even a hug?”  
  
Clint blinks and his dazed look vanishes, being immediately replaced with one of the biggest and goofiest shit eating grins James has ever seen. He rushes forward and nearly knocks James over, wrapping his arms tightly around James’ neck. James can’t help but laugh delightedly, returning the embrace easily, patting Clint firmly on the back.  
  
When Clint pulls away he grips James’ shoulder tightly, looking like he might burst from excitement at any moment. “You’re here,” he says as if he still can’t believe. “You’re actually here. _How are you here?_ ” he gasps. "New York is still a no fly zone."  
  
James nods over to where everyone is watching them. “I had some help.”  
  
Clint turned around then. “You all-?” The sudden lump in his throat choked him, cutting off the rest of the sentence.  
  
Phil smiles. “It was my idea. Natasha and Tony did most of the heavy lifting.”  
  
“And Tony?” The man says indignantly. “Try all Tony.” Natasha flips him off.  
  
“I’m pretty sure Natasha did all the coordinating, Tony,” Steve says patiently.  
  
“Yes, I did.” Natasha smirks.  
  
Clint suddenly looks confused. “But, why?” James sighs and Clint turn back to look at him.  
  
“Because you’re a little twat who won’t listen to me over the phone so now I’m here to personal beat some sense into you.”  
  
Clint looks back over at his friends. He’s quiet for a moment. “I love you guys,” he says like it’s the simplest thing in the world.  
  
“Gross,” Tony says and Steve punches him in the shoulder.  
  
Clint shakes his head and steps back a bit and raises his arms, still wearing a smile that will blind anyone who looks directly at it. “Family,” he starts, “meet my brother, James.” A wave of amused greetings passes between them. The smile on Clint’s face turns more reserved, less giddy and more fond.  
  
“James,” he says, “meet my family.” James can’t help but match the smile on Clint’s face.  
  
“It’s an honor,” he says.  
  
As Tony and Steve approach to be properly introduced, Clint meets Phil’s eyes from across the room.He mouths _I love you_ and Phil winks in reply.  
  
It’s good to be home.

**Author's Note:**

> I have one more story planned to tie up a few tiny plot threads that weren't entirely addressed here. Coming ~~soon~~ when ever I feel like writing it.
> 
> Also, one thing I wanted to talk about (because my friend mentioned this I posted Long Distance Family Relationships) is why James seems to be a bit out of character. Well, in this instance, I don't think he is. He's still very much James Bond, 007. But in this verse he still has family left, someone who is willing to share some of the burdens James carries. That's why he's not such a Debbie Downer here. At least that's my reasoning.


End file.
